I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
