my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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