I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
