The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
