I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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