can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
