There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize