Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
