Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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