I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
