Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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