do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
