I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
