Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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