I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
