spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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