I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
