OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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