and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
