We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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