I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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