I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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