I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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