Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
