More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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