She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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