i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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