Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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