Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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