We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize