Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
