What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
