The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
