If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
