but the lizard people decide everything anyway
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
