no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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