i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize