Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
