Umm I'm too high to move.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Randomize
