I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
