So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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