similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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