i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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