I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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