and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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