I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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