Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
