woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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