She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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