I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
