Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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