: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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