I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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