There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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