My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
