Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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