Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
