So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
