I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You dont lie about slip and slides
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
