This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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