The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
