I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
