So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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