The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
