He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
