Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
