If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
