i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
