You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
